Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Mean people suck. Nice people swallow. Great people do BOTH. ;)

   Its amazing how the people with no real job always have weed on them everytime

   tellin people you're deleting your facebook, then disabling it, then bring it back is pointless

   Stevie Wonder just filed for divorce. He wanted to not see other people.

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through!

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long for fat people

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her

   The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos

   Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.

   I am now an official card carrying member P.E.T.A. - People Eating Tastey Animals.

   Me on a first date: How many FBI investigations does it take for people to realize she's a SCUMBAG. Her: . . .

   We live in a world where dates like 11/11/11 make people happy :|

   Its New Years... I just dont understand why people feel the need that they have to go out and get sh!tfaced and not remember ringing in the New Year..Well I guess I should finish these beers and get back to work. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

   I love how people always say they hate drama, yet they're constantly posting their drama on Facebook!

   Pat Sajak was drunk at the wheel......

   Sometimes I like to walk next to people and sync with their step

   I am generally caught off guard when people have their cell phone ringer turned on..

   I want to ask some people, "How do you take dumps when s$it comes out of your mouth 24/7?

   I love it when I get things delivered that I ordered when drunk. Its like a gift from drunk me to sober me .

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.