Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on

   Dear People taking photos of the expensive alcohol you are drinking and p0sting them: Stop it!!

   I hate when people say like, "I gotta get my body right for this summer like exercises and tan." ok fine...like, wtf are you going to do about your damn face???

   Broke up with my crossed eyed boyfriend.. because he was seeing other people.

   There must be a lot of people dumping F/B due to how lame some of these post have become.

   Dear Lord please help me be strong enough not to share my political views on Facebook so I do not offend half the people I know. Amen. There I said it. Go Broncos!!!!

   yo, people that drive 10 mph under the speed limit 'cuz there's a cop behind you. stop it. you ain't gettin' free donuts or anything...

   When sone one yawns , do deaf people think they're screaming

   your reputation in high school doesn't matter once you graduate anyways so why spend 4 years trying to impress people you'll never see again

   After appearing in a commercial during the Super Bowl, people are accusing Bob Dylan of selling out. Today Dylan responded by saying, "Everyone needs to calm down, have a Bud Light, and relax at a Sandals Resort."

   I thought gang bangs were a group of people with the same haircut.

   Some of you people could use water mixed with a little whiskey.. Just sayin

   I thought fifty shades of grey was a book about the color on us old people hair

   The best time and place to hide a body is in your front yard during Halloween. That way, people will think it's just a decoration.

   Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don't know how to play chess.

   Stupid people exist just to make you feel better about yourself.

   I don't know why everyone is so shocked about LeBron's mom, we all had those days when MOM seduces our best friend or gets arrested at 4 in the morning drunk and catching an assault charge for punching a valet at a hotel. What's the big deal?

   I hear people talking about their lactose intolerance all the time. I guess I could live with that but if I ever developed tequila intolerance life would no longer be worth living.

   Some people are never happy. They pray for rain then gripe about the humidiity...

   people who take really good care of their farmville probably have the ugliest room