Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People that like to put their two cents in, make sure you have enough to spare first!

   Maybe serial killers are just normal people who had a coworker with a runny nose.

   Seems like people waiting for Mayweather to lose a fight will have to wait a little bit longer, that is if they don't die of old age first.

   Not now, Life. I have fake people to impress on the Internet.

   We should have known we were doomed as a race when people started buying ready-grated cheese.

   I want to formally apologize to cats for being the go-to animal for crazy and lonely people .

   this girl I went out with must be really strong. She said once she got drunk in college and pulled a train...

   People mistake my shyness for unapproachability, and I'm totally okay with that.

   Married people don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day. That would imply that they'd actually expect to get lucky.

   It seems like some people were born without a sense of humor

   If I ever delete you, , try to understand that you're one in a million. (Because I like 99.5% of people.)

   just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks, so if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster....... SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder.

   The people in my office believe less is more. The less the women wear, the more of their work the guys will do for them.

   I follow people who imitate real celebrities on Twitter because my self esteem isn't quite low enough yet.

   Ironically,,, I HATE it, when people say "like us" on Facebook.

   i wonder if this people who predicted the rapture are praying for an earthquake so they wont look stupid or praying for the end of the world to happen.

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   I offered a bum a ride this morning but she refused to get in the trunk. You just can't help some people.

   The weather is such a slut, when its hot out it makes everyone take there cloths off, the wind is always blowing people, the rain make everybody wet, and the snow covers everybody in white stuff.