Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   How I feel when you complain about your boyfriend to me is how Yahoo feels when people use them to search for Google's homepage.

   When a woman asks you “what did you just say?” Repeat whatever you just said. Then start inviting people to your funeral.

   The American People are voicing the collective concern over the shocking attempts by Democrats to gut and abuse the US Constitution. So predictably the Democrat response to this concern is to Abuse and Gut the the United States Constitution.... Go Figure

   going to follow people around today with a xbox controller and yell this sims game sucks!

   Bull fighting in Spain has been outlawed due to protests from animal rights activist. Not to worry, the bulls will have a new career when people can once again enjoy them. The Arby's 5 for 5.95 deal.

   If people lived like there was no tomorrow. I'm sure everyone would be at church right now

   Home and drunk before midnight, and not sleeping in the drunk tank with a roll of toilet paper as a pillow......woo hoo!!!

   I wonder how stupid people knew they were being stupid before the slap to the back of the head was invented?

   Somedays it is just so hard being so much better than most people.

   Nothing beats going through last night's drunk texts to find a sexy convo you were having.

   I always feel awkward sitting around waiting for people to show up. That's why I'm always late. I don't care if you're late, just be less late than me.

   wonders if there is a cure for "dumbassness" if so, I know a few people who need a dose

   They say humans evolved from apes but there are some people who make you reconsider.

   What do the movies Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.

   Would you people PLEASE stop praying for my Grandpa to get stronger . . . he's ALREADY grabbed me by the throat this morning!

   I want to start a Go Fund Me account to sponsor any Coronavirus infectious people to pay them to go hug a politician

   People playing Pokemon, Blink 182 having a hit song, a Clinton running for Pres., a Tarzan movie in theaters. Welcome to the 90s.

   Doesn't matter who the public votes for president, it's up to the electoral college! get over it people

   Some people think they are champagne in a tall glass, when in actual fact they're luke warm piss in a red plastic cup.

   I wonder what people who type “u” instead of “you” do with all their free time.