Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I only appear to be happy to irritate the people around me.

   Death is like transferring schools. You hate to say goodbye to the precious people here, but after you move, you will meet some great people on the other side.

   The oldest written recipe is for beer. Even when most people couldn't read or write, they knew they had to mark that down somehow.

   some people are as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker!

   People who only sleep with one pillow are the real terrorists.

   I hate people who write things on the internet that are passive-aggressively focused on a single person. You know who you are.

   "I'd hit that" ~ Old people that drive.

   I bet hell is full of morning people and obsessive compulsive Facebook pokers.

   Diet Coke has taken the number two soft drink sales spot from Pepsi, with Classic Coke number one. Diet Coke is seen as an alternative for people who like the taste, like the option for fewer calories, and want to keep their teeth a few more years.

   everything I know about british people was learned from watching Mr Bean and honestly I’ve seen enough

   Does anyone else get Road Rage walking behind slow people?

   Wow... over 500,000 people attended Obama's Inauguration today.. and only 7 missed work

   When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.

   FACT: 10 out of 10 people will eventually die.. Probably not a bad idea to give Jesus a try... Just saying

   thats why you get your drivers license photo taken when your drunk , that way you can tell the officer that your not drunk , you always look that way.

   The current Employee shortage is so bad that Long Haired Freaky People can now apply.

   can never tell gay and straight people apart. They all look the same to me.

   swearing to drunk that he is not god...

   knows if you like drunk girls in high heels, you may also be attracted to newborn ponies

   I guess people "check in" anywhere huh??? surprised I haven't seen anyone check into their girlfriends vag!na