Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we" George Dubya Bush

   When I was beamed up into the Alien craft, the Military and the Aliens warned me that if I had said anything about this, people would think I was crazy. Little do they know that I have earned that reputation all on my own...

   Its so awkward meeting new people. Especially when they go in for a handshake and you go in for an open-mouth kiss. Anyway, his name was Jeff... and he's a Seahawks fan

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want! They don't know my life! They don't know what I've been through!!!

   If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back, txt them when your drunk...

   Pro tip: If you really want to freak people out wear a Santa Claus suit as your Halloween

   Was in the K-Mart earlier and noticed they have Barack Obama Christmas Ornaments. Seems it's fashionable again to hang black people from a tree.

   My favorite part of the bible is when god gives people free will and then kills everyone with a flood for not acting the way he wanted .

   "I wasn't drunk!!" "Dude, you were in my pool trying to find Nemo" ·

   Bullying is absolutely disgusting. If you see it, stand up for the person being bullied. If it happens to you, don't be afraid to tell someone and ask for help. Keep the word going people.

   thinks that 99% of the people in this world are complete morons. It's a good job I'm in the other 2%.

   Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment

   I FOUND THE GOLDEN TICKET!!!!!! FUGG ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID I WAS CRAZY!!! ALL MY HATERS CAN KISS....... oh wait........ It's just a twixx

   I'm sick of people who judge so quickly and also trust justice system too much.

   I was so drunk when I got in last night that I picked a fight with a mop, wiped the floor with the shaggy-haired b@stard.

   I got a bit drunk last night and now I just got woke up by a lawnmower!!! I don't know who the hell it is but they have to mow around me I an NOT moving!

   I hate it when people steal my ideas before I think of them.

   people get hurt when others don't have the nerve to say what they truly feel

   not responsible for LMAO's that actually cause your ass to fall off. Or LOL's that cause you being arrested for laughing too loud. Or people that are "dying laughing." I am not responsible for funeral fees. With that being said, enjoy my wall.

   I'm going to be blunt and straight to the point here...people are stupid..