Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   wondering if its cool for people in China to get English word tattooes.

   People are starting to question where you were born, Mr. President...we need something to distract them. How about killing off Bin Laden?

   Am I the only one who finds that Knock-Knock jokes are funnier when they're told to homeless people?

   Ummmm, got drunk and tried to adopt a kid again...

   When I'm drunk I just hit any buttons and put my faith in autocorrect.

   People without a college degree: A piece of paper don’t mean jack$hit. People with a college degree: Hey you, get back to work.

   i mean cmon.... what girl doesnt grab their friends boobs when they are drunk?

   Merry Hammered People!!!! I'm Christmas!!!!

   Many people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Christian, Muslim or Athiest.

   hears that Charlie Sheen is giving Lynsay Lohan advice....Hey Charlie...People who live is glass houses usually have pretty cool stuff to snort Coke on!

   man falls out of a deer stand and dies...and people say...he died doing what he loved to do....which was falling out of trees?

   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."

   "wat r you dewin 2morrow wen you git out uf wurk" people who write like that are stupid and lazy

   Dont make the scars of your past hurt the people in your present

   Goals for this weekend: 1) get drunk 2) find Easter bunny & take Instagram pic of him 3) get drunk again 4) eat chocolate 5) refer to 1&3

   The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”

   People who say they give 110% are not only c0cky, but incredibly bad at math. 110% is impossible, you idiot.

   I farted today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!

   i swear; when people are in love they are never themselves, they are something else....

   Talking to some people is like having to slap an old TV a few times to get the picture.