Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I watch football holding an X-Box controller just to confuse people.

   Hey Obama, get your head out of your a$$, and start protecting the American people.

   I was just thinking. How many people have been killed in the name of Atheism? Also, how many wars have been started in the name of Atheism? Are there any suicide bombing Atheists out there? Hmm.

   I hate When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

   “I love Christmas lights. They remind me of the people who voted for Hillary. They all hang together; half of them don't work, and the ones that do, aren't that bright.

   Why is it that the people who are the loudest about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?

   Gay people are such immaculate dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.

   People on the Left are like an old TV Set. They have to be slapped occasionally to get the picture.

   "I enjoy short walks to the fridge" - Fat people personal ads

   R.I.P. Rodney King! Guess at the end, some people got along....... stick to pull you out of the pool with...

   I stood in front of the condom rack at the drug store and asked random people in the store if they knew if there was a size bigger than magnum... then I went and asked the cashier, "Where is the fitting room?"

   Apparently, people go to "sex rehab" because there isn't a "got busted being stupid" rehab!

   When people hurt you, think of them like a sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you but in the end, you end up polished & they end up useless.

   How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.

   Know your limitations, people. Sometimes certain body cavities just won't stretch that far.

   yes, people who are incredible still have to take out the trash - Mrs. Hulk

   For God's sake! It would be nice if people with lazy eyes would put a Post-it flag on the eye they want me to look at when we're talking... I keep switching back and forth..

   Drunk sex is ok, but drunk hugs are frantastic

   5 out of 3 people struggle with Maths.

   If you win the $1.3 billion powerball, remember the little people. No seriously, remember the midgets, they probably couldn't reach the counter to order tickets