Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   and...in Hollywood news, 2 people I've never heard of got married and 2 other people I've never heard of got divorced...

   Some people are just not worth my energy.

   Only if people could take the energy they use to assume and use it to search for facts.

   A drunk person is just an awesome version of a sober person.

   People say, "You have to work on a marriage." No thank you. I already have a job.

   I always collect hair from hairbrushes at party...that way, IF I decide to commit a crime, they'll think it was 23 different people, not me

   You can be dysfunctional, retarded, ugly, promiscuous, pregnant, fat, obnoxious, sick, drunk, or high, but make sure you know the difference between 'YOUR' and 'YOU'RE' or ‘THAN' and ‘THEN'.

   High School Spanish class taught me just enough to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.

   Paintball is so much more fun when the other people at Wal-mart don't I'm playing.

   No Marijuana: Day 7 -More stamina. -Increased libido. -Decrease in mood swings. -Improved mental clarity. -I haven't slept. -3 people are dead.

   Why do people feel safe under blankets? It's not like the Killer is going to think "I'm going to kil... ahh damn it, he's under the blanket!"

   people talk about working on their "summer body" but I've been working on my winter body for years

   From the smell of things, people should be more concerned with underwear change than climate change.

   I guess alot of people woke up on the wrong side of the wall today

   People act like they've never seen winter before. It happens every f'n year, ya know?

   Hate it when people text me "k" because I'm rarely in the mood to ever talk about potassium.

   "The worst fault that people have is telling other people theirs."

   If there’s a civil war just a heads up I’m going after all the Herbalife and Shakeology people first

   My philosophy? People who have creepy dungeons probably don't wear a watch. So, when a stranger asks for the time, I pepper spray them.

   Dear Netfix, Thanks for playing all these post apocalyptic pandemic movies where people get infected and eat each other helping lift my spirits knowing that things could always be worse!