Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   According to a recent study, 100% of people participate in surveys.

   They say we're not suppose to judge people by the way they look. I saw a guy wearing a NASCAR tee-shirt, Git-er-done camouflage hat, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other and a son with a rat tail hair cut. C'mon, some people make too easy not to.

   People who type awe when you mean aww, look up the definition of awe. I’ll wait. Yeah, see? So stop doing that.

   Hey people making fun of Canada : I think Bryan Adams & Nickleback were just warning shots,,,,,, Let's try not to REALLY anger them..

   I never judge people by the way they look. Which, in your case, must be a relief.

   People who say that winning isn't important, never win.

   People are more violently opposed to fur than leather probably because it's safer to harass rich women than Hell's Angels

   I smashed my car into a bus stop full of people last night. I got away with a broken arm. Don't know whose but it's mine now!

   Can't figure out why people that wave, think that any action they take is permissible? Sure...cut me off, speed up in front of me....but as long as you wave your hand at me...its okay?!?!

   working on harnessing the addictive component in meth…figure if I can bottle it, fast food companies and ugly people everywhere would pay me millions for it!!!!

   Why do people keep telling me I need a positive attitude? I'm already positive I have an attitude.

   Sometimes I'll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.

   Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

   Think...we have imaginary farms, cities and animals. It's OK to poke people and write on walls...Facebook is a mental hospital and we are all patients!!!

   everybody is always the same thing for Halloween...drunk as sh*t

   69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

   Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt - people writing on walls and worshiping cats

   If two people are happy together... you leave them the fu&k alone.

   I don't like Hot Pockets at all. But I imagine that people who like scalding the roof of their mouths while getting diarrhea all in the same day probably love them.

   DRUNK DIAL: The lame assumption that when you drink heavily that people want to talk to your emotional ass at 4am!