Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   WAIT.... So the suicide hotline is only for prevention?,, and not for nominating people to kill themselves?.. Well this sucks,,, I filled out a list and everything.

   The current administration is finally getting through to people. I can not count how many people I saw going "Green" yesterday! These are truly exciting days!!!

   It's gotten to the point where I judge people solely on how many Dumb & Dumber quotes they know.

   Hurricane Florence is really really big. Lots of water, wet wet water. Most people don't know that. Just like they didn't know Puerto Rico was an island, surrounded by water, wet water.

   I'm not drunk I'm just German

   Only great, awesome, wonderful people can read this. And only the truly gifted can actually comment on it!

   I'm old but I'm not stand-out-in-front-of-the-church-and-greet-people-as-they-come-in old.

   For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.

   People who have a meme for every Facebook comment scare me more than serial killers.

   Remember kids, drunk texting your ex at 2am for a booty call is the best way to show everyone that you've moved on.

   Sorry for drunk texting last night. And this morning. And right now.

   I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?

   I can't relate to people who "forget to eat"

   I blame all this snow on people who think its fun to decorate for Christmas before thanksgiving. ... mother nature just went along with them. ...so they cant b*tch..

   Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.

   I love when people say "they're expecting a baby" as though it might be something else, like a penguin.

   I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.

   "Here kitty, kitty, kitty" - Me, drunk, about to get bit by a raccoon.

   The problem is people are everywhere.

   The same people who were making tiktok videos when quarantine started are the ones rioting now