Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm the avocado of people. While you wait and wait for me to mature enough to be enjoyable, I sneakily transition into a disgusting mess.

   I'm taking up photography because it's the only hobby where I can shoot people and cut off their heads without going to jail.

   One day, you'll be just a memory for some people,so do your best to be a good one.

   If you re-arrange the letters in "ugh" you get "hug". This is as good as it gets until the weed gets here people.

   It’s amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.

   White girls who don't get naked when you're drunk.. Explain yourselves.

   There's already four people camped out in NYC waiting for the new iPhone, in case you weren't sure why the terrorists hate us.

   Don’t believe in aliens, huh??,,,,,, Then explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels.

   Remember this sign in a video store? "Nice people rewind tapes"

   People: you've changed. Me- Well I couldn't stay a sperm forever.

   Even the devil shakes his head at people that put raisins in cookies.

   When people with lisps say "Bithneth"......you KNOW they mean business.

   you're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

   Has been thinking that people cheat on there wife all the time, but you never cheat on your mistress... thats just wrong

   I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love," but it's actually "floor"

   If two people in wheelchairs are having a conversation, is it considered mobile to mobile?

   lmaoo.. I hate when people say, "i gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face?

   Robin Williams dies and suddenly Facebook is full of people with medical & psychology degrees

   Instead of telling everybody what color is your damn bra, put 2 bucks in the freaking can at the shopping center if you really want to help people with breast cancer, for Christ's sake!! Stop talking on facebook and give money!

   "Hurricane Sandy roars up the east coast generating 80mph winds and substantial precipitation." Big deal. Want to impress me? Stand directly in front of my GF after I come home drunk from the bar at 3am for more then 5 minutes.