Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   cant fool us you swamp rat below, go vote for Bernie and let the rest of intelligent people post

   The only problem with Chris Christie closing the beach to everyone but himself... Not enough people there to push him back into the water.

   Some people are just Facebook Retarded!

   ... and then confuse people into thinking it's the rest of your previous status update when it isn't.

   You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on

   The bikes at the gym I go to are behind a bunch of machines where people are always bent over. This may work for some, but my cardio has suffered as I tend to end my workout earlier when grandma decides to do butt thrusts in my face.

   At what point does "experiencing higher than normal call volumes" become "we don't feel like hiring more people."

   I have a busy day ahead... I have trouble to start; rumors to spread and people to argue with.

   It's ok, other ethnic groups. I'm afraid of drunk white chicks, too.

   Since when does CBS care about facts? Aren't these the same people who on e tried to prove a story with "computer printed" documents, from the "1960ies."

   If I ever become senile,, I just want to be as oblivious as people who respond seriously to humorous rhetorical questions on FB.

   My doctor told me to start killing people....well not exactly in those words. He said I need to reduce stress in my life.

   I'm making a list of all the things I'm throwing away before the new year including people.

   People are never going to stop talking are they?

   I don't step on people's toes, I trip and fall.

   The week of the year when people buy gifts for people they don't wanna see, for a night they don't wanna go to, with money they don't have.

   Just to be clear, since some people are so dense to understand this, we don't hate cops, we only hate the corrupted ones.

   some people write LOCKDOWN cuz they can't spell KWARANTEEN!!

   When I see names and hearts carved into a tree I don't think it's cute. I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date.

   People with handlebar mustaches should be forced to box kangaroos.