Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Everything happens for a reason... Just know that God places people in your life for a reason and will let you know what that reason is when it is time! ♥

   My friend just had a baby. He keeps going on about how he would kill anyone who tried to hurt his child, or he would get run over to save his son. He would even take a bullet for his boy. I said, “Why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?�

   3 billion people with a collective IQ of 9

   I hate when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep" LOL NO! you need to hibernate.

   People who have an option to sleep but are still jogging at 6 in the morning in this cold. *slow clap*

   People! Relax! Subway foot longs ARE foot longs. You just have to measure from the balls.

   Not now life... come back when I'm drunk.

   I don't get drunk, I get able to tolerate other people.

   People who say the worst feeling is not knowing whether to wait or move on have clearly never taken a sh*t only to realize there's no toilet paper.

   I don't know why people are so afraid of clowns. They're just murderers with make-up and a horn.

   "Blinded By The Light" is my favorite song about what happens to people when I take my shirt off outside for the first time each year.

   A 99-year-old guy and his 96-year-old wife getting divorced. They never got along and people kept saying, “Why did you wait so long to get a divorce?” And they said, “We want to wait until the kids were dead.”

   Be kind to the people wearing masks while driving who might be the people delivering your food.

   Conspiracy theorists are paid for by the government to distract people from actual government conspiracies.

   I like animals more than people. Mind you I also kill, skin, butcher, and eat animals.

   People SMOKE & DRINK for few days & get addicted.......Look at me. I am WORKING for all these years, but not YET ADDICTED to WORK. This is called "SELF CONTROL"

   There are almost 7 billion people in the world, and you are the dumbest one. That is impressive.

   I love eavesdropping on people's private conversations. Always hoping I hear something that leads to me foiling a terrorist plot.

   loves humanity....it's people she can't stand.

   I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.