Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   The Gap always emails me at 4am. Go to bed, Gap. You're too drunk to tell me about free shipping.

   You don't just spontaneously end up this drunk at this hour. It takes several years of practice.

   Double-fisted- when you're so drunk, you forget you had a full beer and order another one.

   Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

   Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.

   A mom knows everything about her kids...their favorite foods, friends, clothes, their school reports and their dreams. A dad is vaguely aware that there are some short people staying in the house with him.

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   I'm pretty sure Adam and Eve loved being the first people,, cuz they didn't have to worry about ghosts

   Today Facebook was down, so I had to actually talk to my people that didn't live in my computer... I haven't done that in a few years, hope I don't get sick!

   Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have

   I hate people who feel they are entitled to certain things just because they are different.

   My superpower is being able to remove a bra with one hand...in the dark...drunk.

   may not be the prettiest flower in the garden, but at least i'm loved by some amazing people

   fairly certain the only reason that so many stupid and obnoxious people are still alive is that murder's illegal

   Sales for Wal-Mart have fell again in the USA. This is just more proof that people have realized they have enough cheap crap in their homes.

   Irony is not dead. The U.S. Embassy in Kabul wishes the people of Afghanistan a "Happy and Peaceful Independence Day."

   I look up to people who don’t look down on other people.

   Come on people if you're gonna walk at night smoke a cigarette or something so I can see you, can't be having any more dents in my car.

   I got thrown out of a children's fancy dress party because all I was wearing was a red T-shirt. Some people have obviously never heard of Winnie the Pooh.

   Doctor's can no longer tell people they are fat... Stupid Hippo laws.