Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it.

   When I can't fall asleep, instead of counting sheep, I count all the people I have disappointed.

   I'm not a fan of that show 'the Voice'.. Call me old fashioned but I just don't think somebody who f*cked up the National Anthem in front of millions of people should judge anybody."

   I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

   If you can't amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bulls**t.

   I always respond by saying "wet" when people ask me how the water is.

   I keep seeing these commercials for Coors beer with the cans that have these blue bars on them that tell you when they are cold. Back in my drinking days, I just felt the can. Are people really that stupid these days?

   How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?

   When we water ourselves down to please people to fit in for approval, we lose our passion and our own unique gifts. Don't put yourself on the bargain basement discount rack.

   if you're drunk and you know it hands your clap.

   was really hoping the rapture would have taken away all the people that believed the rapture was going to take them away.

   Who are all these people judging me? They should be arrested for practising law without a degree.

   Do people believe in birth control these days?

   Ugly people are always the ones starting drama and fights since they know they have nothing to lose if they get beat down.

   When people ask me Plz because it’s shorter than please, I tell them no because it’s shorter than yes.

   90% of the time, haters only exist in people's heads.

   Nothing makes crazy people happier than having a microphone.

   ..if people say they're "as honest as the day is long" does that mean they become less truthful in the winter?

   tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save energy....The last time I tried it I ran over a guy on a moped!

   Did you ever wonder if aliens secretly film people having sex, then make them into boring nature shows to show their kids on the Human Planet channel?