Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Don't threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.

   Without mentioning any names, I know my phone is smarter than some people I know.

   the JURY SYSTEM getting criminals off and denying people justice since 19--

   I tell people secrets, it makes them like me.

   heard that frank Drebin died today. It couldnt have been Nordberg that killed him because OJ doesnt kill people

   I love people that go to the beach w. a t shirt over their bathing suit, I think that draws more attention to whatever ur trying to hide

   my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

   If food at McDonald's looked anything like on the commercials, McDonald's customers would look even less like the people on the commercials.

   :Dear "I just naturally don't need deodorant" People, Yes...yes you absolutely do. Sincerely, People Who Don't Smell Like Homeless Taint

   I wish that some people would realize that talking isn't necessary.

   I have discovered that when you give people advice through the medium of interpretive dance, they quickly regret asking you for it, and go away.

   It’s funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

   There were a lot of people who thought he was going to end up like his brother. I wasn't one of them. Really, what are the chances he has another brother who runs over him in a car.

   I don't drink, so you people don't get any better looking as the night wears on.

   Why do people live in regular houses,, when there are steakhouses?

   I can't stand people who drink and wanna be all extra chatty or whiny just drink, get drunk, stfu and be happy.

   I sent out a text message saying "hey I lost my phone can you call it?" 7 people called...damn it I need some smarter friends!

   Get rid of people that withdraw from your life and never deposit!

   Sometimes I envy deaf people because they never have to tell someone to shut up.

   ts no fun insulting people that are too damn stupid to even realize it!