Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?

   Guys, be sensitive. Fat people have feelings too. Usually hunger, shortness of breath, insecurity and itchiness in unreachable places

   Lately, more airplane passengers have been killed by intentional acts of pilots than by terrorists...seems to me that the TSA is scrutinizing the wrong people.

   If you don't like gay people... blame the str8 people...they're the ones who keep having gay babies.

   If bartenders aren’t allowed to sell alcohol to drunk people, then McDonald’s shouldn’t be allowed to sell food to fat people.

   My greatest fear is sitting in front of thousands of people while my Google search history is read aloud.

   There are three types of people in this world: Those that get math and those that don't.

   the only reason why I will wear this HIDEOUS bridesmaid dress is so that a drunk groomsmen can rip it off me later with his teeth.

   Dear Super-Positive People: Calm down. Not everything is a blessing, a miracle, or a gift from God. Sometimes things just happen.

   People think that I'm too patronising (to put in terms that you'd understand, that means I treat them like they're stupid).

   I'd imagine homeless people aren't the fans of little dogs wearing sweaters

   I FINALLY GET THE END of the 6TH SENSE - those names are the people who worked on the film!!!!!

   Don't feel bad if people remember you only when they need you. Feel privileged that you are like a candle that comes to their mind when there is darkness

   If sex beteen three people is called a threesome, and between two people a twosome, I now understand why people call you handsome!!!

   I hate it when people think I don't like them... I guess I need to do a better job of hiding the fact that I hate them.

   You know I don't care about losing some people that don't wanna be in my life anymore, I lost people that meant the WORLD to me and I am still doing just fine.

   I'm constantly thankful for all of some of the people that aren't in my life anymore.

   Some of my best wishes have come true by throwing people down a well.

   People that look through other peoples medicine cabinets? WEIRD!~~ I would like to look through their fridge.

   I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.