Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Success, it's like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.

   I don't know what people are thinking when they ask stupid people what they were thinking when it's pretty obvious they weren't thinking.

   There are 2 types of people I don't like: 1) Those who complain constantly and blame others for all that's wrong with their life, and 2) Everyone else...

   I am no longer swayed by numbers. I no longer trust figures. If there is one thing statistics have shown me its that we now have more idiots on this planet than normal folks. I refer you to number of people who follow Justin Bieber on twitter.

   Ok word of advice ladies. a muffin top might be kinda cute but if you have a 3 tier cake top please don't go out side. you scare people. just sayin.

   Why do people wear pink camo? Perhaps they are hunting for flamingos.

   People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they can't even finish the joke because they're laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.

   If someone says, "why do bad things happen to good people?" Tell them that only happened once in history --- and He volunteered. Happy Easter everyone.

   George Zimmerman helped 4 people out of an overturned SUV. I'm guessing it wasn't a black SUV.

   Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook

   I hate when people talk on there phones in public restrooms. Who are you?? Ricky Martin?!?! You ain't that damn important

   People sometimes say that 'motivation doesn't last', But neither does Bathing... That's why we recommend it daily.

   Well .... That's IT ... It's the LAST STRAW !!! ... I'm now going to vote for the candidate who left people to die, Covered up her husbands Sexual Assaults, And Threatened National Security ..... Because that other candidate said some mean things.

   My motto is "never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.

   Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Barry, and Anne Hathaway all portrayed Catwoman without flaunting their buttholes at people even once. Unrealistic.

   I'm glad people have the confidence to wear revealing clothing but sometimes your confidence is NOT very pleasant to look at.

   Dont blame people for disappointing you..blame yourself for letting your guard down too fast and too soon.

   I tried letting a smile be my umbrella, but you can't whack people with a smile!

   Tough times don't last, but tough people do.

   Any hedge can be a maze if your drunk enough.