Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day. If your life is really that bad, you should probably do something about it. No, whining on Facebook is not considered "something."

   Every time a couple gets married, two single people stop existing.

   Religion is a bit like porn: You know deep down it's all lies but you still buy it. It's a multi-billion dollar industry making a few people very rich. It distorts reality, inciting desires it never satisfies. AND the scripts it's based on are always sh*t

   If there is a line of GAY people is it still a STRAIGHT line ?

   P.E.T.A.= People Eating Tasty Animals....... I LOVE HUNTING SEASON!

   Strange to have so many people focused on a single woman's pregnancy who are not Texas republican lawmakers...

   If you have nothing nice to say, say it anyway. Who give a **** what people think?

   Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It's fiction people.

   Shout out to all the hard of hearing people!

   People are puzzled with all the dead birds in Arkansas...Really? It's Arkansas folks...just surprised they lasted as long as they did before they figured they could end their stay there by hurling themselves to the ground...

   A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

   Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who just bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you'd follow them straight into hell, to get the fix

   I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss.

   Music these days confuses me. I mean, are there really that many people out there throwing grenades at girls? I wasn't aware that this was an issue.

   A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

   What I hate most about winter is people coming to bed and touching me their ice cold toes. I know you got your sexy on, but for god's sake wear some socks.

   50 Shades of Grey - a book for people who don't normally read books or have sex.

   the percentage of people who "tell you what they want, what they really really want" has dropped drastically since 1996

   I can't believe someone would willingly have the sex with some of you people

   Yes I'm a people person. Or as the authorities like to call me, human trafficker.