Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   thinks that 99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I'm in the other 2%

   Some girls drink to get drunk. Some drink to get bi.

   We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"

   Its called Facebook people.. Not Show your body (that you still clearly need to work on) book!

   A Christmas Carol is the heartwarming tale of how rich people must be supernaturally terrorized into sharing.

   There's a special place in hell for people who don't provide access to alcohol at children's parties.

   My mind is like god. It works in mysterious ways, no one really understands it, and people debate over whether or not it exists.

   I wonder if the people that applaud Michelle Bachmann at the debates are the same people that voted for Sanjaya on American Idol.

   Wondering how much of my tax money was used to fuel up the marine helicopters used to bring the trainers in for the biggest loser. Now I'm paying for fat people to lose weight? Wtf!

   what happened to the days when you would date someone because you actually wanted a future with them.. now and days people just date because they want someone cute by there side. i'd date with my eyes close, and let there personality shape there beauty.

   My wife thinks i'm crazy. I'm beginning to regret all the effort I put into protecting her from the king of the potato people.

   My theory is that planet of the apes wasn’t really about apes but people who spent a long time in lockdown without access to a hairdresser

   Some people think Obama's doing a good job, some think he's doing a bad job. I think about sex usually.

   People make counterfeit money, but money also makes counterfeit people.

   I think that there are two kinds of people in the world: people who put raisins in cookies & people I like.

   People in glass houses should probably buy their Windex at Costco.

   Facebook. The lost and found for people. . .

   If people fall in love with you too late, don't accept that love; Its after effects are annoying. It means there are some hidden problems with you or with that person.

   Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read.

   It's funny how some people are all nice and humble on Thanksgiving... Then less than 12 hours later flip like a light switch and start throwing elbows into people's throats to get a TV.