Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.

   Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat

   I think married people should spend a lot of time experimenting sexually. Unless the name of the experiment is "Let's see how long I can make him go without sex".

   I have nothing in common with people that think about work when they're at home. I don't even think about work when I'm there.

   I was walking down the street to work this morning and a guy was sitting on the sidewalk. He held out a cup of change and asked "spare change?". I said "sure, thanks man!" And took the cup. People are really nice in Tacoma.

   In order to raise awareness of Alzheimer's Disease, I will be randomly deleting people from my facebook.

   A friend got mugged coming out of K-Mart and is devastated. I feel the same way because I had no idea I knew people that shopped there.

   1999, people said "Britney Spears is a bad role model for young girls." 2013 the young girls are grown up. Their name is Miley Cyrus.

   I don't understand why people reward others with "brownie points." I can't eat or buy anything with those. Just bake the f*cking brownies.

   So I guess Amish gangs are going around and cutting beards off of other Amish people. That's some hardcore gangsta sh*t right there

   5 reasons why I'm not a pimp. I remember birthdays, I give rides to the airport, I lend money to people, I relax on sundays and I have a horrible backhand..

   I didn't mean to get drunk, it just seems to happen when I drink.

   Some people don't realize they lost a good thing until they see the next person enjoying and appreciating it.Then suddenly they want it back.

   A real woman avoids drama like a plague, for she knows her efforts and time are too precious and to be wasted on little minded people and their tantrums.

   just passed a holiday cocaine drug bust. It looks like some people are gonna be denied a white Christmas this year.

   that people think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

   Sitting at home looking at boobies on the internet is much like being at a strip club. You are drunk as hell, can't actually touch them and there is usually some weird ass music playing, but at least it's cheaper!

   hates driving by people who are texting and driving. It's times like that, that I wish my Subaru came with rocket launchers

   To all the people who failed out of school, just remember 2 things: 1. You tried your best! 2. I said no tomatoes on my burger, b1tch!

   Unless you're a steaming hot girl, most people don't really care how your day went. If it doesn't relate to them, then they don't wanna read about it. A friendly Facebook reminder of the STFU Association.