Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If I could take it all back right now, I wouldn't..i would have done more sh@t that people said that I shouldn't..

   You can not argue with a drunk woman, and you can not argue with a sober woman....Figure that one out guys.

   It's not a problem getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar unless it's while you're drunk and naked in your neighbors kitchen.

   Some people look forward to the morning to have a new challenge. I look forward to the morning to have my cup of coffee.

   Lonely? Stand at the bottom of an escalator and high five the people coming off. If they refuse, yell, "Are you too lazy for that too?'

   Sure, new mom Kylie Jenner goes makeup-free for Vogue & everyone celebrates her. But when I go makeup-free to the grocery store, people are all, “Are you ok?? You look sick. You need sleep. And vitamins.”

   Some people are so poor, the only thing they have is money.

   People in my neighborhood think I’m power walking, but really I’m just trying to get home to poop.

   Why is it the people who say they thrive on chaos seem to be the ones causing it?

   Common sense is like a deodorant.......The people who need it most never use it..

   I get paid to be nice to people at work. Why does everybody expect me to do it for free on my own time?

   People who blame autocorrect for their mistakes are just finger painting

   Never underestimate the power of Stupid People in large groups.

   Yes .... Math is Illegal in Kentucky!! 5 People in Kentucky were arrested last night in the latest Math Lab Bust. .... Either that or they're just crappy at spelling.

   Does anyone have a Volkswagen Beetle? Could I borrow it for an afternoon to drive around and count how many people I see punch one another?

   Let's face it, Facebook is just a place for people seeking attention and tweeter is a place where they hope someone, anyone, will listen.

   The people who whine about cell phones don't remember how much pointless staring at people there was in the 1990s.

   Some people are so full of $h!t they should have flush handles instead of ears.

   In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say "I'm Shia LaBeouf"

   Can you believe that people are actually paying Atheists $150 to take care of their pets after the Rapture???!!! I'm just mad because I paid more than that for them to harvest my crops on Farmville.... :(