Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm placing myself in "time-out" until I'm able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!

   Stop warning stupid people and give evolution a chance to work its wonderful process.

   Don't waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.

   Some people think the world absolutely revolves around them. Not once have they asked how my day is going

   some people just gotta have that daily dose of drama

   People who complain about the way the ball bounces probably dropped it.

   I'm still wondering why people were so uptight about that meteor that nearly hit earth a few days ago....It seems to me we are perfectly capable of destroying ourselves without any assistance from an asteroid!

   People who post stuff like, "I am so angry right now", "I am bored" or "I am eating supper" what exactly do they expect us to do with this information? Are we suppose to care or something? What's the correct etiquette here?

   I like people... From a distance.

   Sorry boss, can't come in today. National Donut Day is sacred to my people.

   Love is blind. It's also drunk, has a wooden leg, Tourette's, a crippling fear of heights & if you poke it with a stick it plays dead.

   I can't wait to see all the $hit people start throwing at drummers now!

   Bars are opening but patrons are wearing masks. It is the era for ugly people with nice bodies to get laid.

   The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable

   People will stop talking to you if you challenge them to a rap duel.

   There are 3 types of people: 1. Dog people 2. Cat people 3. Clean house people

   People say Donald Trump's plan to build a wall across the Mexican border is ridiculous. Really? Well, parts of the Great Wall of China were built around 700BC. Do you see any illegal Mexicans in China? I didn't think so.

   In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead....

   Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

   there are two types of people in this world, pizza roll people and bagel bites people