Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Kills me that people act as if these people(celebrities) are someone they knew personally...?

   I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"

   Lindsay Lohan drives drunk, was busted for coke, steals cars, steals necklaces, and still manages to get a standing ovation on Leno!?!!

   People who dream big sleep a lot.

   Hey,,,,Can any of you people possibly recommend 30 or 40 books on hoarding?

   thinks Cupid should upgrade to a crossbow and dip his arrows in Rohypnol to help out the really ugly people.

   Well, It is becoming very self evident who the REAL and True Tolerant people in the US are. Just look who can't refrain from being violent.

   Anyone besides me have that totally narcissistic FB friend that post the most mundane things about their life because they think people actually care? Typing this while pooping.

   I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'

   I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else. Bloody referees.

   Metaphorically Speaking...Beware of those self-absorbed people that are more concerned with the scratch on their car than the people in the car they hit

   So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?

   I can't wait for self driving cars to come out so I can finally say ; Go home car I'm drunk

   Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write to people and pray they cash them at the teller just to make things interesting...

   Some people need to write a book, rather then tell Facebook.

   I'm really on the fence with this election coming up. I wish people would post more on Facebook to help me make this difficult decision easier said no one ever.

   Even after creeping through all of your profile pictures, I still have no idea who you are or what you look like since there are 20 people in each of your photos.

   why do people think it's necessary to pose with alcohol in facebook pictures??? It was original the first dozen times.

   Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet.

   Sooo.. In between Mundane Monday.. And Whip'em Out Wednesday.. I now proclaim today as.."Touch ur Toes Tuesday!" Because people are just so eager to F*ck you every chance they can get!