Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   We are on the verge of cloning people but can't figure out how to harvest pumpkins year round for pumpkin spice.

   Did you know 4.8 billion people own mobile phones whereas only 4.2 billion own a toothbrush.

   People always ask why no one immediately moves out of a haunted house but it's like UGH moving suuuuuucks.

   93% of the internet is people noticing things in the background of photos.

   Yes ... I suppose I am one of the few people that actually love Fruit Cakes!!! ....Heck .... I only need a few more ..... this year I hope to get enough to complete building my Brick wall!!

   What do I like most about people? Their dogs....

   One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.

   Facebook: Here's some other people you might know Me: Oh yes! I do know them! Facebook: Do you want to add them as friends? :) Me: oh God no

   HOW DO PEOPLE WHO WORK AT THE SPAM CORPORATION KNOW WHEN THEY'RE GETTING UNSOLICITED EMAIL?

   I don't accept friend requests from people with no photos, a photo of someone playing a guitar, or photos that have more filters than Brita.

   Some people are like that annoying advert that suddenly cuts in the middle of a viral video.

   In this cold weather, it's hard to give people the finger when you're wearing mittens.

   That strange moment when you're telling a story, and people think it's a joke.

   Planting some shrubs today and they're all leaning to one side, either I was drunk when I planted them or I planted them too close to the weed.

   Did this many people have birthdays before Facebook?

   I don't understand people who update their status every 10 minutes to show their friends how exciting their life's are, which are probably not as exciting as they claim if they're staring at Facebook all the time.

   Tide pods are just cleaning up the people that should have been stains in the first place.

   People tell you to make yourself at home and then get all judgmental when you empty the fridge and fall asleep on the sofa

   Why are Gay people so sensitive? If you can take a d*ck, surely you can take a joke..

   playing marco polo with random people