Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.

   Theres nothing quite as annoying as drunk fat girls.

   People say "when your palm itches, you are going to receive money". My butt itches... I bet I don't get SH*T¡

   Sometimes I'll play air bass instead of air guitar just to mess with people.

   Republicans Hate dead people ... They want to deny them their right to vote.

   At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

   I'm amazed at how many people got engaged or married today. Love is truly in the air. Now if you'll excuse me, a Nigerian prince needs my help transferring funds.

   There's a limited amount of people whose feelings I care for. The rest of you all can go to a therapist for that.

   n't letting people drive him crazy when he knows its within walking distance.

   This weekends forecast: Mostly drunk, scatterd shots and a slight chance of falling down..

   Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a $hit?

   Forget Klondike, you should see what people do for open bar!

   Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.

   Anger is an emotion for people who wish to control others while simultaneously failing to control themselves.

   If people could read minds and two people were reading each other's mind, so wouldnt they be reading their own mind reading the opposite mind reading their own mind reading the opposite mind ..............

   I figure there are 3 types of people in this world....Those that can count, and those that cannot!!

   ...If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

   We need a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings.like,"Well I'm bored let's go brush our teeth"!

   Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

   Marriage is like a casino... You go in all excited and optimistic, you stumble out broke, drunk and talking to yourself.