Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Now I know why people are looking for intelligent life on other planets! They've given up on this one!!

   A new study says that a lot of people will believe anything that starts out by saying a new study says.

   People don't notice the things that you do for them untill you stop doing them.

   I'm not saying you started that fire, Billy Joel; I'm just saying that innocent people don't write songs to defend themselves.

   January is the month that people are most likely to be fired — especially if you’re an elf.

   If you watch Harry Potter backwards, Voldemort is really good at zapping people back to life and turning Harry into a baby.

   two months from now, toilet paper still remains out of stock. the people begin to riot. the charmin bears perch upon their mountain of wealth, watching humanity suffer

   Will be interesting to see which people in the Democr@t command structure get "Suicided" over the next few weeks.

   I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.

   I pity those who feel the need to brag about themselves to get people's attention. I hate them more than when my supermodel wife puts a scratch on one of my Lamborghinis.

   Q: What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? A: Icy dead people.

   Amendment to the 2nd. The right of the people to keep and bear plastic straws shall not be infringed. You can’t shoot paper through paper.

   Some people are as useless as an audiobook on sign language

   People who go on to open a second Facebook account because you've reached your maximum number of friends, get a life!

   It's bad enough I have to worry about people when I leave my house now I have to contend with Pokemon as well.

   Calm down people who smile for no reason....

   I'm done chasing people who aren't willing to do the same for me. After yesterday, the ice cream man can go stuff himself!

   The only thing I have in common with people who go on Shark Tank is that I, too, cry anytime somebody gives me money.

   People are like mattresses. You start out firm then end up sagging in the middle.

   I hope that people I've hurt can find it in their hearts to forgive me. Those that hurt me, I hope you're aware of yourself rotting away as the earth reclaims your wretched flesh.