Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People who email you Spam...Email them Porn! Problem solved ;)

   What happened to the good old days when words never hurt people

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   Most people's religion or faith has a switch which they can conveniently switch on and off whenever it suits them.

   Instagram has added video support. Now I get to watch a video of people eating their food!!!

   Being Single Means An Empty Butter Tub Becomes An Instant Cereal Bowl. Being Single And Drunk Means Not Washing The Butter Tub First.

   I am always confused when people ask me.. "Did you sleep good?" I always wonder if they want me to say.."No, I made a few mistakes"..

   I like to hide in the clothing racks at department stores and while people are browsing yell PICK ME! PICK MEEEEE!

   reminds you that people will believe anything if it's whispered.

   Thanksgiving may be the only time some people in California see real breasts

   I love it how doctors show you pictures of smoker's ugly lungs and non smokers healthy lungs when technically both sets of lungs came from DEAD PEOPLE.

   Life's like a box of chocolate, it doesn't last very long for fat people.

   How do people who are housebound obese not see that coming? You're gradually getting fatter. It's not Willy Wonka and that blueberry girl, where you just blow up. If you're walking out of your house sideways because you're too fat, make a mental note.

   There was a two car pile up in mexico today...40 people died

   Attention jobless people on Facebook....You are no longer allowed to mention "Hump Day", "TGIF" or "Can't wait for the weekend!" or anything else that implies you have to work then have days off to relax.

   Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.

   People learn from history... which is why you should always delete it.

   Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?

   OK. Who wants to put on a bear costume and go on a rampage tearing apart the tents of people camping outside of Best Buy for Black Friday?

   once you learn how to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.