Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You might hate the last couple of years but no one hates it more than people named Alexa

   I think I lost an hour reading all the tweets about how people lost an hour this weekend

   I'm assuming lube is for people who can't spit.

   Some people would rather stay ignorant and self-satisfied.

   I'm going to start an online store where people can buy bait for when they go fishing for compliments on Facebook.

   Hoping people are not gonna play Pokemon Go during the Summer Olympics games in Rio... looking for Zikaachu..

   Weird how 2X and 4X power dishwasher pods are the same price, like there's a market for people who only want minimal dishwashing power.

   I spend most of my time resenting people who never had to use a typewriter.

   I like holding doors open for people who aren’t close and watch them do that goofy power walk.

   "For birthdays, someone will blow air and spit on candles and a cake. Then—hear me out—people will eat it." -- the guy that invented birthday parties

   Don't you just want to write on some people's Facebook wall, "You peaked in high school."

   People need to stop demanding respect and start earning respect.

   There should be one day out of the year where people working retail can say what they want without getting into trouble.

   Back in the day, there wasn't so many warning labels on things. People weren't so freaking stupid.

   Amazon Prime will deliver food right to my door? GTFO. I may never have to see people again!

   loves long walks...especially when taken by people who annoy me.

   I am aware that I am less than what some people prefer me to be but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.

   PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Please be careful and chew your food,,, More people choke on Thanksgiving than on any other day.. . * unless you're a Denver Bronco,, cause you already choked last Sunday night

   does not take fashion advice from people who wear crocs

   'I wasn't that drunk' Dude, you threw my hamster shouting GO Pikachu.