Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I don't understand why people pay big money for a colon cleaning when they can go to their nearest Taco Bell and order a bean burrito for a buck!

   Who remembers the good old days, when people use to communicate by email?

   It so crazy to see how many people are shocked by honesty, and how few by deceit.

   That f*ckin moment you spent all game getting drunk and rooting your team on for the win and they lose and now you just look like a drunk assh0l3!

   Sarcasm is just one of the many free services I offer to people who ask dumb questions.

   Most people hide their sexual demons; I harness mine and take them out for a ride.

   The people who insist you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" are just trying to Police Navidad.

   Ok... Where do these people come from that just wake up and say "Ya know, I don't think I can live without purchasing a BMW station-wagon". Really? THAT'S the luxury vehicle of your dreams? 

   The most fascinating thing I remember from my childhood is the amount of people Coolio fit into his trunk that day he went on a Fantastic Voyage.

   People are saying that Lindsay Lohan was thumbing her nose at the law. She was prabably just holding it on from all the coke.

   .... I'm so old that I actually remember a time when people used to know which restroom to use!! Ahhhhh .... Those were the days ....

   I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.

   I don't understand why people say only men are visual creatures. A woman will spot a rich man & she will see herself leaving your broke ass.

   I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning...gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.

   This Earth Day, I'm trying to do my part to make the world a better place by making a list of people I wish would move to Mars.

   I get along best with people who don't get along with people.

   Love is like a beach ball at a rock concert. It's fun for the people that get to be a part of it and just plain annoying for everyone else.

   I sexually identify as a cup of ramen noodles. I’m little, cheap, will leave you unsatisfied and i’m the last resort for many people.

   Quit hating people because of race, religion, sex, or sexual orientation! Join me in hating people just because they are people!

   The problem with natural selection is that it isn't killing stupid people off quickly enough.