Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   the electronic sign said to call 911 if we see drunk drivers, isnt it against the law to use your phone in the car ?

   Some people should really consider giving up AIR for Lent... just sayin'

   People with "KEEP OUT" signs in their yard grossly overestimate our desire to come visit them.

   Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

   People really misunderstand me.....I mean, I’m a simple girl, really. I enjoy long romantic walks (to the liquor store)...quiet conversations (with my bail bondsman)....that secure feeling (that only an ankle monitoring bracelet can bring)...

   God puts people in my life for a reason... & removes them from my life for a better reason.

   I'm proud to come from a family of work-a-holics.....Everytime someone mentions work, we all get drunk! ツ

   Everyday is like Thanksgiving for me... people always give me "The Bird" and tell me to "Stuff It!"

   Whats the differentce between A Jersey girl and a piece of trash? People pick up trash.

   To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that

   You don't have to believe in a book to be a nice person and treat people right.

   How is it that you can sue a cigarette company for cancer & Mcdonalds for getting fat, but you can't sue Budweiser for all the ugly people you've woke up next to?

   March 4th. I like today's date because it's like i'm telling people what to do.

   finds all the RIP's for a drug addicted Amy Winehouse and none for the 92 innocent people killed in Norway yesterday rather ironic.....

   there sure is going to be a lot of people losing their virginity in the year 2012.

   Some people want to wake up rich. Some people want to wake up famous. I just want to wake up and not worry about a damn thing.

   thinks: The greatest pleasure in life is "not" doing what people say you can do.I call it the middle finger logic.

   Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

   As I was getting into bed she said "You're drunk." I said "Why do you think that?" She said "Because you live next door."

   Hey Facebook.. If I "UNFRIEND" someone.. Please don't put them in my "People you may know".. Of Course I F*ckin know them! I just choose not to be friends with them!