Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Please lets stop making stupid people famous and financing their stupid lifestyles.

   I'm convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...

   Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."

   Immature = A word boring people use to describe fun people.

   Sometimes I just want to slap the stupid out of people, but I'm worried it'd take up my entire day

   Stalking: When two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows about it.

   I heard some people talking sh*t about you, they were saying you loved c*ck sandwiches, but I stuck up for you. I told them you don't even like sandwiches.

   Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn't live in glass houses.

   Stupid people with their "hello's" and "how you doing sir's?" and "do you know how fast you were going's?"

   Some people say, “Facebook me” while others say, “Follow me.” But, I miss the classic, “blow me.”

   I am gluten intolerance intolerant. I can't stand hearing people talk about their gluten intolerance.

   I see dead people. No wait, I take that back. I see people I want dead.

   Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up.

   My Dad: People overcome adversity all the time son... Look at Beethoven. They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?

   People wearing neckbraces should wear a t-shirt explaining why.

   People please!! It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new, glowing, ticking kind of world..

   DUDE I WASN'T THAT DRUNK! Dude, you were shaking pineapples yelling "Spongebob, I know you're in there!"

   Oh and for all those polar bears are losing their homes because the earth is heating up people ..Tell the polar bears to bring their furry asses to Indiana they will feel right at home

   People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.

   "Tickets." — me (when other people get on the elevator)