Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   People who say they are "comfortable in their own skin," scare me because I wonder how they know what it's like to wear someone else's skin

   Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don't have to see, touch, or smell them.

   Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.

   I don't see what the big deal is with the legalization of pot in Washington D.C. is...I always thought those people were smoking something anyway.

   I don't understand how people get eaten by sharks.....how do you not hear the music?

   The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren't me.

   People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.

   ..this warm weather brings out the worst in people. Like B.O.,unkept feet and whale thongs . Shudder.

   I hate when people use useless expressions like, 'Needless to say.' 'Needless to say, we had a terrific time tonight.' Needless to say? Then don't say it. 'Well, it goes without saying.' Then shut up.

   People say you can't live without love... I think oxygen is more important

   Okay........So on a scale from one to Courtney Love how drunk are you right now????

   People who say "If I disappeared, no one would notice" are wrong. If I saw someone vanish right in front of me I would FREAK OUT!

   Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.

   U know some people are like VIRUSES, they ENTER your LIFE, SCAN your POCKETS, TRANSFER your IDEAS, EDIT your MINDE, DOWNLOAD your HEART, and UPLOAD their PROBLEMS

   : If you have ever seen me drunk, click the 'like' button... 30 or more likes, you have a problem.

    Ugly people: Don't play hard to get, you're already hard to want.

   Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.

   am giving up a few negative people for lent. So, if you call,text,facebook or email and I don't get to back to you?? Odds are it was you

   When people ask me to keep them in my prayers, I say sure. I should probably clarify though that most of my prayers are about nachos. So if you need a nacho-related prayer, I'm your guy.