Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People on Death row probably don't think it's funny when the President pardons the turkeys for Thanksgiving.

   It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!

   I hate when I get Drunk and Bid on Ebay.

   I am tired of being judged by my color by people who complain of being judged by theirs

   You people do realize that Trump's wife is an immigrant, right? Yes. And she is a LEGAL immigrant.

   This weekends forecast; Mostly drunk, Scattered shots, with a slight chance of falling down.!!

   I don't get why people find drunk texts annoying. You're the person they're thinking of when their brain can't even function properly.

   Don't worry, some people are their own punishment in life.

   People with dreadlocks either love weed or hate showers.

   doesn't have a drinking problem. He drinks. He gets drunk. He falls down. No problem...

   Horse cops would be way cooler if they didn't have people cops riding them. Just horses with a gun and a badge. And a taste for justice.

   An "open relationship" is when both people are cheating on each other and want everyone else to know.

   You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk. . .

   Stupid people have it made.. Nobody expects anything from them and when they do something right people act like they cured cancer...

   To the people who don't like me... suck it. To the people that do like me... same thing. :)

   Why do people spill their guts on facebook like it's, "Daddy touched me week" on Dr. Phil???

   hates people that take drugs… customs for example

   Why are the people who tell you to calm down always the ones who pissed you off in the first place?

   BBC NEWS: 8 suicide bombers blow themselves up killing at least 2 people. Now my maths isn't that great but surely there's a minimum of 8 people killed there.

   It would be kind if some people performed random acts of silence.