Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I wish I could be as happy as stupid people.

   Sharks kill about 5 people yearly, vending machines kill 23. Do I really want that bag of Doritos?

   I wonder how many people have gone to their deaths thinking, "Any minute now, they'll take off this blindfold and I'll be in a Febreze commercial."

   My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.

   If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.

   Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn't come.

   When people say “I'm not getting any younger!” I wonder what other basic life concepts they just figured out

   So now they say Vaccinated People can Gather in Groups of 8 with No Issues but I don’t Know 8 People with No Issues.

   thinks Facebook keeps trying REALLY hard to connect me with people I'm desperately trying to avoid.

   How in the hell do Chinese people see when they're high?

   How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?

   Facebook. Why are you trying to lure me into people's problems?

   People who still have their popcorn when movies starts: your self-control disgusts me and I'll never party with you jerks.

   I don't LOL as much as I lead people to believe I do...

   spring cleaning time. while your at it get rid of those people who are only bringin you down and taking up space in your life.

   Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.

   A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

   Hangovers are for people foolish enough to stop drinking.

   Some people measure success by the position one has mastered in life....mines doggy....

   It astonishes me that some people say we are all unique and different yet they believe in horoscopes.