Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   [first date] Him: Let's take the stairs! Me: I think we should see other people.

   I do less before 9AM than most people don't do all day.

   You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.

   In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you're going to take a group selfie photo.

   According to state law, the other people waiting at the DMV are required to have a bad smell.

   Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.

   Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.

   Social Media is a cruel and shallow disingenuous trench, a long cyber hallway where lies and anger run free, and good people are treated like dogs. There's also a negative side.

   i don’t understand why people need to do drugs or party in order to have fun, have you tried mac n cheese

   That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car.

   You don't give up your car when someone else drives drunk! So why would you give up your gun when someone else commits a crime with a gun?!

   People dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload it to instagram .

   I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.

   Some people were dropped as a baby, but then there's some that were clearly thrown at the wall

   I find it funny when people mention 'boys toys' I think of gadgets, cars, consoles. But when they mention 'womens toys' I think of vibrators, nipple clamps and whips

   People act all surprised that there's a bacon shortage, as if they have never seen a single episode of Honey Boo Boo.

   Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn't even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.

   Making a list of people I want to visit after catching Ebola.

   People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald’s scare me.

   People boycotting L.L.Bean because the owner gave money to a Trump PAC? Not going to hurt them much as they sell work boots.....