Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

   hates when people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

   I can't stand people who blame everyone else for their problems. I'd be successful and happy by now if it wasn't for them.

   It's funny how people start paying attention to you when start giving them the silence treatment.

   wondering if when French people swear, do they say excuse my English

   Two chinese people had an albino baby last week. Turns out two Wongs do make a white.

   Please FB, if not permanently, then at least on April Fool's Day...when people poke me, make the button give a sudden loud buzz and frighten the crap out of them :)..x

   The Washington Redskins will now be known just as the Redskins because many people find the word "Washington" offensive.

   People complain about voters making bad decisions but what else would you expect from a nation with 7 successful cupcake-based reality shows

   Do some people just wake up one day and think, "I already have 2 bumper stickers, why not 70?"

   Most people are going to hell, no doubt...but some of you will be used as firewood.

   So thankful for Facebook! Otherwise I would have to call 563 people every morning to let them know that I just ate breakfast

   Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk.

   I've seen a lot of people discussing the Tupac hologram and debating if it's disrespectful to him. I personally think we're losing sight of what's really important here... we're one step closer to having holographic strippers in our living rooms!

   I can't wait til the kids go back to school and all the people who are supposed to be working start posting again.

   I think the reason old people sleep in separate bedrooms is so they don't have to wake up next to someone dead.

   Beer commercials taught me good looking people like horrible beer.

   I wish I had a fly swatter with me, when I sit next to people who dont cover their mouth when they yawn or cough.

   Dear Lean Cuisine, Your microwave lunches are small. My body does not get 35MPG like most people. I get more like 12MPG with a strong tail wind. Please help. Love, Me

   Heterosexual Pride Day: It's great to see heterosexual people no longer have to live in fear because of who they're attracted to.