Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I would pay good money for a painting of Snoop Dogg and Dog the Bounty Hunter playing poker.

   Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement

   MTV has gone from Music Television to Maternity Television..

   I am tormented at night by the idea that everything funny has been said

   Men lie about how many women they have been with because they CAN'T remember the exact number...Women lie about how many men they have been with because they CAN remember the exact number....

   It isn't that I'm not a people person, it's just that I'm not a stupid people person.

   Don't stand too close to the heater honey, plastic melts

   Don't base your decisions on the advice of people who don't have to deal with the results.

   Tiger finished Yesterday with a 69. There has got to be a joke in there somewhere.

   Anybody that says "I don't know what I did to deserve this" knows exactly what they did to deserve it.

   facebook timeline, creating new arguments for the future !

   Liquor stores are open 24/7 when you have a brick.

   The definition of a beautiful woman to me is the one who loves me,,,

   Did you ever actually think about what you did, while sitting in the corner as a kid? I was planning my revenge for the punishment!

   ALL relationships require compromise and giving and sacrificing ur way for the sake of others. You can't have ur way ALL the time and expect to have fulfilling relationships. ;)

   You call it "too lazy to start something", I call it "patience"...

   So I saw an old women on a little pink bicycle a few min. ago.....i think she has proven her eligibility for the thug life.

   Life isn't fair. Especially when I'm involved.

   The computer just crashed and erased all the work I didn't do this morning.

   I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes saying ayo I said no mayo.