Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   " I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."

   You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.

   Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.

   Dear future musicians of the world. Just because you can push a button with a drum sound does NOT make you a musician. People used to actually play their instruments.

   I think COVID-19 is just a ploy by Netflix to get people to stay in and actually watch Adam Sandler movies.

   If you people would’ve used a little more alizarin crimson like Bob Ross told you to, none of this would be happening right now

   I hate when people say "Well, it could have been worse." Well you know what, Becky? It could have been a hell of a lot better too!

   Everything I know about electricity I learned from watching my drunk friends do home repairs.

   Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn't exist?

   Technology today is a race between smart people striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof gadgets, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.

   We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we're terrified people in real life will find us on the internet.

   Negative people have a problem for every solution.

   I'm just sitting here thinking about all of the people from high school that signed my yearbook that I have let down by not "staying cool"

   EVERYBODY WHO MAKES ACTION MOVIES: We should have all the actors talk really quietly so people turn the volume way up right before an explosion.

   People who get offended on Facebook are the same people that take mini golf seriously

   Why do famous people get things for free if they’re the ones that can afford it?

   I wish people who say 'thanks, but no thanks' would make up their mind on where they stand on gratitude.

   100th episode of undercover boss is on and your telling me there are still people out that aren’t suspicious of a camera crew filming them at work. Working on my sob story to tell

   I think people who use the wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.

   I have nothing in common with people who have "left over" pain killers