Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Grown men who call their parents mommy and daddy can kill you with their bare hands and won’t even say a cuss word while they’re doing it.

   Do you remember Jan. 6th last year? Yeah, 2.19 a gallon.

   LGBTQ=Lets Get Biden To Quit !

   Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up.

   There is no such thing as having too much cheese.

   If you happen to see an FBI agent wearing one of Melania’s dresses, post a photo of him.

   Sorry friend, but your latest post didn't gargle Zuckerberg's balls.

   A donation of 14 billion has been made to eastern Europe in your name. Thanks.

   You get prosecuted for refusing to wear a mask on a plane, but they can intimidate supreme court justice’s families and will be celebrated. This is how you know we are living under a regime.

   When she got a boyfriend but she wanna know ya name ~ side nigggaa

   If we have zero percent inflation, why do we need an Inflation Reduction Act?

   Me: My 401k is crushed I can’t afford food or gas. Biden: (licking ice cream cone) “Best economic recovery in history, Jack.”

   Don’t let anyone else ruin your day. It’s YOUR day, ruin it yourself.

   Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

   Turbo Tax is the worst computer game ever.

   There are two ways of doing things, my way or the wrong way.

   At the end of my appointment, the doctor took his own blood pressure.

   It should be mandatory that every citizen 21 and older carry a firearm.

   Oh, the hubris! Confusion now has made his masterpiece!

   If you did not oppose vaccine mandates, passports, you have zero credibility when you say, “my body, my choice.”