Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "I miss my wing man".

   US military enrolment had plummeted the last three years with Biden because no one wantef to join while he was in office 🤣

   Dating right now, is like trusting a public defender.

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   I don't get how people afford life without a job??? I can't even afford it with a job.

   TOD Trump Obsessive Disorder. It's real.

   You can now accurately weigh your luggage with a smartphone. Simply put your phone on a scale with your luggage, then deduct the weight of the phone.

   Oh, look. Some little man discovered a translate app.

   Sure, I’ll load the dishwasher honey. What kind of ammunition does it use?

   After 40 years of marriage will gay guys call their spouse the old balls and chain?

   Q. What as 8 legs, bites, and lives in your butthole? A. A Brown Recluse spider.

   I am now challenging 3 million Facebook users too send me a 1.00 cashapp $MgTimTim

   I'm not a geologist so don't take me for granite.

   My high school math teacher died today. Feeling depressed, I never got to tell him he was wrong. I never used algebra, asshole!

   If you talk about others it's gossiping. If you talk about yourself it's called bragging. I guess there's still the weather !

   Fun fact... The pool on the Titanic still has water in it.

   Remember when teachers used to say, "You won't have a calculator everywhere you go". Well, we showed them.

   What game do you wanna play... 'B@lls on Chin?'

   If Those "why does the military only get one day people" actually cared they'd mention it any other month otherthen pride

   If we use feathers to tickle each other, what do birds use?