Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you think religion is harmless fairy tales. Try typing "youth pasture" in Google

   Sometimes, I'd like to give it all up and become a hook-nosed Joo

   The towels were so thick at the hotel, I could barely shut my suitcase.

   TDSmania loves men who love kids a little to hard. Are you trying to say something to all of us?

   Today we bow down and lower our eyes in a show of respect for our King of Lef*ist Shallow Blather.

   Россия... Канада... оба коммунисты.

   There he goes again. Another comment referencing incest. Must be a thing over there.

   Oh, you have a 3D printer that you can print guns with? I'm not impressed, I've had a Canon for years..

   Recent studies have shown that dogs don't actually have a fear of fireworks. Their reactions are based on their being upset at not being able to shoot off their own.

   going to grasp you around you head and blow you. Dandelions are so much fun

   If it wasn’t for “only one cashier open and it’s a cute guy in his twenties and I am buying a cart full of tampons” luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all

   A man and his wife went to Israel and decided to pick a boat to see the beauty of the river Jordan. When the man asked the boatman how much it will cost them, he said $500. The man shouted, "No wonder Jesus decided to walk on the sea."

   Meet hook the roofie

   Blunt

   Ive never seen a Dragon with fruit on it... I think its a scam by" big fruit " to get more $$$

   I've been on Facebook for 16 years. I remember when this was all farmland.

   Lady at dog park: Did you adopt your dog? Me: No, he's my biological dog.

   It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh during takeout and delivery.

   Regarding the recent helicopter/airplane crash, I submit to you this: Flying is for the birds.

   He doesn't know how to drive. He doesn't know how to pump gas. He doesn't know how to buy groceries. He doesn't know how to use a computer. He's lived in a gold, chauffeured bubble his entire life. So many of you think he's great LMFAO