Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Four Am*rican soldiers are missing in Lithuania, and the "president" didn't even know about it. Because the guy in charge of the military? Is yet another f**king M*G* MORON.

   $16 jeans from Amazon: easier than doing laundry.

   I just saved a bundle on my heating bill by switching my thermostat off.

   If sports were board games, The NHL would be Chess, the NBA would be Checkers, MLB would be Trivial Pursuit and the NHL would be Candyland.

   It doesn't require artificial intelligence to know that artificial sweeteners taste bad.

   I'm tired of winter! I want to fast-forward to complaining about how hot it is!

   Post the four words every girl wants whispered in her ear.

   Why do people say, "Tuna fish sandwich"? Nobody says, "Chicken Bird Sandwich".

   He didn't survive an assassination. It was a blood packet. Special effects. It was a complete set up. This is obvious.

   If the UK held a femininity contest between Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres, they'd both lose.

   Justin Eichorn now? It's all over the news. You're all the same. Every single one of you.

   Psssst, he doesn't give a damn about Isreal.

   Another day of Vetrans meltdowns! I'm lovin' it! You fought for a piece of sh*t country and now thanks to its "leader" you're getting bu**ered up the *ss. You fought for the wrong side, losers tee hee

   I hear lots of jokes I can steal.

   Oops! Mommy's little darling is up and at it. By up and at it, I mean doing daddy in the shower.

   How much baking soda per kilo is it again ?

   i sent my ex coworker letters

   follow me on tiktok goal is 10k

   please follow me on TikTok undeadanimation03

   The Hippo beat Grippo.