Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Losing weight is a great idea except for two things. The eat right and exercise part.

   I was told this is where you order Door Dash.....SMH.....

   What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.

   Foot fetish screw them feet!!!

   I bought a second scale to weigh my first scale so I can show it how it feels.

   BREAKING NEWS: So according to my calendar, today is National Alien Abduction Day. In other words, the government has been lying to us. There are aliens! Lol

   Someone called me a f*t f**k. I wanna know if that's an adjective or a verb.

   Feels like an extrovert stuck in an introvert body

   Also in the news, the national atheist church has applied for non-prophet status.

   "You people are so stupid." ~ D. Trump. (to all his fans)

   I got a job sketching suspects at the police station. I'm a con artist!

   Technology will facilitate deception, domination, and surveillance too big to fail. The tentacles of the Squid Game now include the blood in our veins.

   Cheer up! Someone somewhere is thinking about me naked.

   Man rule: Plastic water bottles must be crushed prior to disposing.

   It's so strange to think before Facebook, all this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.

   The imbecile underneath this couldn't come up with a clever retort, so he stood on my shoulders and a f00l of himself in the process.

   Octopuses originated in Scotland. They came from bagpipes.

   I am content to see the end of what was the empire called the US of A. Every empire comes to an end, typically at the hands of the insane from within. The US of A had its time. It's now time to end it.

   ScaryKoenig and his mum. Took turns licking grandpa's bum. When they're done with all their fun. Gary licks his grandmum's c~m.

   The jig is up. A double entendre meaning the niqqer is se#ually aroused.