Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Way to "muss" the point? You're on a roll aren't ya? Ret*rd 🤭

   Here, I feel like I'm moving way too fast for you. Let me dumb it down. Hmmmmm. Ok let's try this one - Everything you say is so funny I forgot to laugh. There. Is that more your "level"? Let me guess. Illinois? 😂

   Lots of birthdays this week, and here's why. These pregnancies occured on or near the 4th of July. Apparently, fireworks were not only set off outdoors, they continued throughout the night in the bedroom.

   sllab ym skcus JT

   I like our presidentand voted for him but this guy is hilarious is there anyone that's going to try to take him on because as much as I don't agree with him hes wiping the floor with some of you

   Jeeziz, Koenig. Toss the stale '70s joke book already, you cheese merchant.

   Hey, Houston fans claiming the refs decided the game against Florida... you lost fair and square. The Gators got called for 2 technical fouls. 2!!! And you think there was bias?

   Nothing screams efficiency like a $1 TRILLION defense budget and a $92 MILLION parade to celebrate Dumps birthday. DOGE was a complete con. You've all been conned 🤡

   The Dow is down. Not the stocks, Tony Dow from Leave It To Beaver.

   Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

   I got kinda excited when this young woman said that she was interested in me….. she was doing research on the elderly.

   I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27.

   I dont know who baby daddy need to hear this but Walmart got Mother’s Day cards in 4 packs

   Next time you go to Cedar Point and ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and tell the person in front of you, “Dude, these came out of your seat

   I guess CVS is going green. This morning's receipt for cough drops was only 27 inches long

   Does extra virgin olive come with a comic book subscription?

   It's so hot, the late Jack Kevorkian's suicide machine was turned into a Slurpee machine...

   If you buy all your horse tack from Amazon is it considered a Mail-Order Bridle?

   If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I'd put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink or dessert. Then I'd sit back and watch the madness unfold at every table.

   Then of course there's the jury of HIS peers, finding him liable for sexually abusing advice columnist E. Jean Carroll in 1996. Can't forget about that one. Then of course, there's him being the worst "president" in the history of the United States....