Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Step 1: Go to a drive through. Step 2: Say "I'm sorry but I'm blind. Can you read the menu to me"? Step 3: See how long they'll read before realizing you can't drive if you're blind.

   I wouldn’t have to stash these leftovers in my bra if this dress had pockets

   Song Wrecker . Someone who you can't listen to a certain song without having a bad flashback to ?

   THE "BUT HER EMAILS" CROWD IS REAAAL QUIET RIGHT NOW. You're all like one big f'ing SNL skit LOL

   Just in case V_*nce didn’t get the memo - Greenland not for sale. So you can crawl the f*ck home with that creepy wife thing of yours.

   DOGE slashes billions more in expenses for programs like Peruvian climate change and gender equity in Me'jico

   A children's hospital in Texas is now treating children for vitamin A poisoning after RFK Jr. touted it as a measles treatment. Good! F*ck Lamericcan kids. Tubby, stupid, imbred little runts.

   Not only did Benjamin Franklin discover electricity, he was also our greatest president.

   Why are so many hot women also such dumb cun+s?

   This is my impression of Beyoncé if she was a carnie: “If you liked it then you should’ve tossed a ring on it.”

   People everywhere are now referring to Pete Hegseth as “WhiskeyLeaks” and we're kinda mad that we didn’t think of it first.

   You can post jokes by successful comedians here, yet you get some los€r flaming the t¿umbs d○wn tab a hundred times. The sorriest s¡t€ on the internet.

   I'll never understand people saying "Rest In Peace" when someone dies. Of course they're resting in peace. They're dead.

   I'm amazed at how some people tend to overthink things without actually being in possession of a brain.

   Marriage tip: If your wife says she's only getting two things at the store, don't believe her. She's lying!

   "TRUMP WAS HANDED AN AWESOME ECONOMY. THE BEST, BY FAR, POST-COVID ECONOMY OF ANY INDUSTRIALIZED NATION. HE WAS HANDED AN ECONOMY WITH EMPLOYMENT WAY UP, CONSUMER SPENDING WAY UP, THE MARKETS WAY UP, AND INFLATION WAY DOWN. And in seven weeks ruined i

   BREAKING NEWS JD and Usha Vance trip to Greenland canceled after US officials couldn't find a single resident who wanted to greet them BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

   We enjoy mocking you. A bunch of lemmings running headlong towards the cliff. The product of yiur idiot leaders dismantling education by creating a generation of complete and utter imbeciles.

   I'm very angry because I wasn't wearing my glasses at the store and I bought curry powder instead of the saffron I needed. I'll make use of it; I'm just mad about saffron.

   I used to have a crush on Ana Kournikova but love means nothing to her