Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember making up fake rules when there is a substitute teacher?

   I’m not wishing anyone a Happy Thanksgiving, I hope your gravy gives you diarrhea.😜

   God does love gays, but only if they are tops.

   Girlfriend: “Does this dress make me look fat?” Me: “Stop blaming the dresses.

   I had two ribs removed so I could pet small dogs easier.

   I don't understand how I feel like crap and am sick all the time when I drink 8 glasses of water a year like they tell us to .

   No, there is no indication that the current Kentucky Governor, Andy Beshear, has removed or gotten rid of tornado sirens. In fact, Kentucky emergency officials emphasize that sirens are a vital part of the warning system, particularly for those outside in

   I saw a bumper sticker that said "May life treat you the way you treat your dog" I hope no one puts me on a leash and makes me poop outside.

   Tip: If you’re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was in the movies, don’t google ‘old man bond age’ (trust me).

   Condolences to all the church sanctioned pedophiles, your Pedo king has died .

   Those people aren't attacking Telsa dealerships. They are tourists showing love. I learned that on January 6th 2021.

   He won Kentucky by 26 points then immediately disabled their tornado warning systems, leading to 18 deaths. Hahahahaha. As someone who doesn't live there, in that country I mean, I finally news like this very, very entertaining and funny 😂

   6 am too early to drink

   People complain about gas prices but pay for gym memberships and don’t even go.

   The U.S air force has Cobra helicopters, Canada's air force has Cobra Chickens

   I bought a lamp made from Citrus fruit, but I refuse to use it. I’m trying to avoid the Limelight.

   If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.

   If you say "Why does the military get a day but gay people get a month" only during june and not in January, February, March, April, May, July, August, September, October, November or December, you don'yt care about the military, you arre just homophobic

   Jesus had a lesser known brother named Mordecai. He was unpopular for his much reviled practice of changing wine into water.

   Your bark is worse than your bite... but your leg humping is quite pleasurable.