Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Guy: I have Covid. Girl: Oh, you mean a mild cold? Guy: What, I can't milk this? Girl: Um... no.

   My mother and I play a drinking game. We do a shot every time the debt talks collapse.

   Of the last four Presidents, guess which two were never on Epstein's jet?

   I still have the Wooden Nickels I collected as a kid. I was an early investor in Birchcoin.

   Things I hate: Gross pay - $2,257. Net pay - $1,138.

   I wonder if the police let Luigi Mangione finish his Happy Meal...

   Saw a UPS guy come out of the forest with a package. Guess a bear does ship in the woods.

   Tried using AI to create art. Now I have a picture of a horse with three legs and a coffee addiction. Modern tech is amazing!

   Of course Hamas has rejected the United States offers. Because he's a terrible negotiator. He's laughed at by most of the planet and no one respects him because he's such a goof.

   Musk should buy Barnes & Noble so R*t*rdlicans would start to read. He should also buy Pfizer so the R*t*rdlicans can finally start satisfying their cousins lmao

   BREAKING NEWS: DONALD T DRAWS MASSIVE CROWDS ------ of people who hate his f*cking guts 🤡

   it just me or do you think there's something terribly wrong with YouTube playing a 30 second commercial from their sponsor before watching a How to operate a fire extinguisher during an emergency video?

   There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those losers has decided to become Batman

   What do I do all day long? Sometimes, it takes me all day to get nothing done.

   I really think it's time to take the warning labels off everything and let stupidity work itself out of the gene pool.

   Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd break into a distillery. Daffy turns to Elmer and says "Is this whiskey?" Elmer says "Yeth, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"

   If pigeons and chickens made a tribe would the be called the coo clucks clan ?

   How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh? Nothing it’s on the house!

   Famous M*G* influencer and frequent F*x News guest, Ricci Wynne, has been arrested and charged with s** trafficking and producing child s***al ab*se material with at least two m*nors. ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER M*G* FREAK CHARGED WITH M*****ING KIDS.

   I don’t date anymore I just foster women until they find their forever homes