Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I really don't understand some people. They tell everyone to think for themselves and have your own freedom, yet they like bring told what to do by a fat, orange man. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

   Break the monotony of your uber driver’s day by saying “sorry about your car” as you get out

   Budweiser tells the league to suspend Peterson, and they wonder why the NFL is failing. Who cares of aa player spanked his kid, seriously.

   I may have a big ego, but at least it's not, "use a sharpie to alter a National Weather Service Map because I couldn't handle speaking in error" big.

   If your main concern is what pronouns people call you, then you are one of the most privileged people in the world.

   Why did I hate the Superbowl Halftime Show? It's exactly what you are thinking.

   R.I.P to my normal sleeping pattern during this festive season.

   Dude with a 2 x 4 tonight said he was gonna beat the stupid out of me,I told him to come back with a bigger stick

   White house report: Trump to pardon himself this week........ oh ! My mistake, it's a real turkey to be pardon.

   Dear Mr troll some cure disease in life some stop wars you have been able to destroy a fun site to visit. Maybe you can move out of nanas basement next.

   Imagine how screwed Chris Rock would have been if all the other guys banging Jada Pinkett rushed the stage too!

   As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how the scarecrow could talk without a brain. Then I watched Biden speak🤪

   I'm going to take my paycheck to the bank. It's too small to go there by itself.

   There is so much misplaced anger in this world. And so much of it is aimed at Brussels sprouts. Sad.

   ironic he died in a car accident with the last name Walker

   I just danced with 3 burglars with no weiners

   Hi, I joined a cult. *got an air fryer

   I would date a communist girl but there are too many red flags

   Somedays You just have to have an Attitude of Gratitude !

   2 years ago I forgot to get halloween candy so I put a bowl out with some pre rolled joints ! I got 6 kids ! Last year , 673 stoners got chips